Do (or did they ever) your spouses/ lovers past relationships matter (non sex history)? How much?

I was listening to one of my friends talk VERY insecurely about one of the guys his now girlfriend( for 1.5 years) HAD dated. Which made me think.. i know most people talk to there spouses about there past history.. But after so long should you leave that stuff in the past... i mean im only 18 so i may just be ni-eve but if its going to hurt so bad then why talk about past love(s)? After so long in a relationship shouldn't both people just stop and take a look at how happy they are no matter the other persons past.. i mean dwell on the future. i gave him the whole sepal on she loves you now it doesn't matter, she was looking for the right one..blablabla .. i just don't think it worked... is there anything else i could do and/or say?

Do (or did they ever) your spouses/ lovers past relationships matter (non sex history)? How much?
Good question. I think it is better to leave in past. Although you can tell a lot about a person by how they talk about thier ex's. I was talking the other week to an ex about previous relationships - we didn't whilst going out - and I'm glad we didn't. As friends we take it as is - as partners we can sometimes become preoccupied. I know my friends hate it when their girlfriends talk about their ex's. A guy thing.
Reply:As a couple I think it is a good idea to talk about it after you both feel comfortable with the subject. But after a couple times i wouldn't really be willing to KEEP bringing it up because it IS the past and the person your with is the current and possibly future and the only comparison that could be made are only ones YOU make...
Reply:Well guys overthink things to much.How can you blame someone for something they did before they knew you. Thats all you really can say
Reply:i think the more experienced a man is the better. more friskya\ andthinnd wikling to things.
Reply:It is usually bad manners to bring up past history or dirty laundry. When a relationship begins, it is natural curiosity, but still focusing on who you are with now is pivotally important. If you want to compare, keep it to yourself.





That being said, the dilemma I may face in the future is that the person I have become has something to do with my ex-wife. I am grateful to her and as much as I would not want to talk about her, it is very hard. We stopped waging war and became the very best of friends. Returning to love and returning to God was my doing, but she played a part.
Reply:Well when it comes to talking about past relationships, its a two part thing. On one side of looking at it, obviously if you care enough to remember about your previous relationships, there is a part of you that is still trying to let go. Thus a good reason for talking about past relationships.





The other side of this, when you talk about your past relationships, it's showing your partner all the experiences you've gone through. For some people, they may not like people who haven't experienced all the ups and downs of being in a relationship, it's just a way of checking how serious someone is. When you tell someone about your past relationships, it's telling your partner just how experienced you are with relationships.





Previous relationships are important to commemorate at least once in a while because we're supposed to learn from our mistakes.
Reply:this is a tricky one cos people are often a mine field of insecurities and when opening up about our past loves you never know how your bf/gf will handle it. In our relationships we want it all!! we want our bf/gf's to be open yet rarely have the stomach to handle hearing that they have ever loved anyone but us. The thought that the one we love might have loved someone more than ourselves is a always frightening possibility. This friend of yours is just in the process of facing those fears.. there really isn't much you can do to alleviate his worries... accept to tell him to talk to his girlfreind about it. He really needs to tell her that he loves her and for that reason feels this insecurity. If he doesn't talk to her about it, his insecuritues might get expressed in unhealthy ways.. ie.he might get snappy at his girlfriend over little things, or he might give her snarky digs about anything that triggers his insecure feelings. And she won't have a clue why. So hopefully if he tells her and she loves him, she will be able to reassure him that she has moved on from the past and that she loves him